New Technique Will Double Internet Bandwidth

By Craig Buckler
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Internet cablesA new discovery revealed today brings the exciting prospect of a double-speed Internet even for those people using dial-up modems.

A European organisation named the Cable Realignment Action Programme is calling for all telecommunication companies and ISPs to adopt their plan at the earliest opportunity. A press release for the group stated:

Our solution is revolutionary, but simple, cheaper, and environmentally superior to existing network infrastructures. The worldwide roll-out starts today.

Internet data cables are normally laid according to topographical limitations and this can result in wiring spaghetti. The organisation proposes that cables are straightened between Internet nodes:

  1. Straighter cables means electrical signals travel a shorter distance in a quicker time.
  2. The majority of signals contain binary data. Although zeros rarely have problems, the sharper edges of the ‘1’s can get caught in cable kinks which results in unnecessary packet loss.

The organisation estimates that Internet speeds will double for most users, but it could be more for those with especially kinky cables. They advise everyone to take advantage of the system immediately and straighten the network or modem wires under their desk.

However, not everyone is pleased about the plan. A spokesman for a leading Ethernet cabling manufacturer claimed:

This is a totally ridiculous idea. Shorter cables simply means less money for us.

Have you straightened your cables? Have your download speeds significantly improved?

  • http://www.digitalgreenlight.com busy

    Meh, the internet reboot was better.

  • http://www.tyssendesign.com.au Tyssen

    Yeah, think you’re overdoing it now.

  • Joker

    Happy April Fools Day…again. *sigh*

  • Evan Kroske

    Ha-ha, very funny. This prank is much weaker than your “rebooting the internet” article.

  • Márcio Guerra

    Ahahahahahahah! April’s fool! Aahahahaha!
    Quite nice! I’ll try to RT it.

    Márcio Guerra

  • Bari

    WOW!! My download speed is not only double but its 4 times faster than before now! I started to straighten the cable under my desk and went on doing it till I reached my nearest switch – very hard work to do! But its showing great performance, I am impressed. Thanks for this great tip on 1st April!

  • Kilikopele

    Oh come on, this was a pretty good one. Right now vendors of the major “High-end Audio” manufacturers are already lauding this as a good idea. And it won’t be 4/1 when it lands on Stereophile’s cover.

  • Chris

    lol – Cable Realignment Action Programme, do they also go by their acronym – CRAP

  • michael sean

    That organization is C.R.A.P? Love it!

  • Jylan Wynne

    April Fools! :-)

  • Aaron

    April Fools!

  • http://www.heyraena.com raena

    If you have wireless, don’t forget to dust frequently. Dust in the air can catch those 1’s and 0’s as they zip around your room.

    Probably a good idea to keep your windows shut as well, in case a breeze picks up your bits.

  • http://www.sitepoint.com AlexW

    Probably a good idea to keep your windows shut as well, in case a breeze picks up your bits.

    And we all know there are few thing more uncomfortable than breezy bits.

  • http://www.digitalgreenlight.com busy

    Probably a good idea to keep your windows shut as well, in case a breeze picks up your bits.

    Funny, I actually have had better online experiences at times due to Windows not being open.

  • Andrew Millne

    Nice try ;)

  • F.Danials

    I’m still waiting for the poor sod to arrive, who believes in this garbage! ;)
    There’s bound to be someone out there somewhere!

  • mrhoo

    Ha ha. You made us read it- happy April, fools.

  • mikemike

    @F. Daniels:

    It’s sad to say F. Daniels, but the only reason you wrote that is because you believed it when you read it. Or, that wouldn’t have been in your mind. :D

  • MikesBarto2002

    Can we get back to the real articles now? Leave the comedy to comedians.

  • Joe

    Sad… I was hoping it was something real. :( I really wanted to double my parents’ internet so I didn’t feel so dragged down when I’m at their house.

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