It’s official: Javascript sucks harder than PHP

The surprise outcome of last nights webtuesdayJavascript sucks harder than PHP. I still can’t quite believe it.

Maarten took the PHP corner against me in the Javascript corner, both of us shamelessly advocating each language under various headings – 1 minute max per topic – no outright lies although often bordering on truthiness. Verdicts provided by the audience, based on who could shout loudest from a choice of “OK – 0 points”, “Annoys – 2 points”, “Sucks – 4 points”, “Sucks hard – 6 points” and “Blows – 8 points”, with help from the Suckometer (thanks to the Net-Policy team for QWizard).

Now this might not sound very scientific. For starters, how can you compare PHP (server-side) to Javascript (client-side) – apples to pears? But it’s not quite so black and white, as you’ll see from the slides – there is server-side Javascript just as there is client-side PHP. And if you ignore that distinction and focus more purely on their respective merits as programming languages, there’s plenty of room for comparison. Meanwhile you might argue that a secret ballot is essential for impartial rating but that misses the opportunity for one angry coder to remind everyone just how bad it all is.

--ADVERTISEMENT--

And we had some very experienced hands in the audience (many knowing both languages intimately as well as Java, C, C++, Ruby, Perl etc.) but still stunned by the final verdict: that Javascript sucks harder – I thought I’d clinched it with CSS selectors for dependency injection but by using a negative rating system, hype and buzzwords were quickly slaughtered – it became a process of catharsis in which the “winner” was the one that came out hurting less – this is the new language advocacy! ;)

Many thanks to our hosts Amiado.

Sponsors