Say you’re talking to someone on the phone about something very important. This other person has a very aggressive domineering personality won’t let you get a word in edge wise. You are trying to steer the conversation where you want it to go or this slob would go on and on and on as you had to listen.
Then when you finally get off the phone your significant other tells you she/he was listening in on the conversation AND STARTS TO CHASTISE YOU FOR THE WAY YOU HANDLED THE CONVERSATION! WOULDN’T THAT RUIN YOUR WHOLE WEEK? Hey, I’m guilty of ease dropping to. But at least I eventually let them know. But that’s not the point. I DON’T NEED HER/HIM TELLING ME I HANDLED THIS CONVERSATION WRONG WHEN I JUST WENT THROUGH HELL WITH THIS SLOB! NOW I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS??? I WANT TO FREAKING SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!! YOU HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA HOW ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED I AM!!!
I would scream in bright-red all-capital letters for a couple minutes. Then I would take a deep breath, pour myself an adult beverage, and go sit out on the dock in the sun and watch the fish.
Then I would feel all fluffy and warm and everything would be okay.
make it x9 and you have my family
Only that they don’t need to listen to my conversations… they soon enough call me to say “I’ve been talking to X who talked to Y and Y talked to Z… and they told me that you said and did this and that… are you nuts?”
I believe we’ve discussed your anger management issues in the past OP.
You seem to have been doing a lot better lately, let’s not start regressing now.
Probably not.
I respect my significant other’s judgement and having them say that I handled it badly would sit me right down and make me review how I handled the situation. If I thought they were wrong I’d explain why and probably that would help me get it off my chest and either they agree with me and I’m vindicated which makes me feel better, or I realise that they were right and feel appropriately chastised.
You have a point. But I was chastised like a child and belittled. My self respect was ripped away from me and I felt naked in an onslaught of accusations. There’s a difference between just getting angry and getting abused. This is an issue of trying to keep my sanity while dealing with two control freaks at one time.
Seems like a deep breath or two might help…
I dunno - but if you know someone has a domineering personality, why would you call and try to talk to them about something that was really important to you? Unless they were the only person in the world who could understand or offer some help, I’d be looking to call the kindest, most big-hearted person who like to listen to others problems.
Find something you do not like and kick the xxx out of it. There now, doesn’t that feel better to let that out? I did not mean your cat!
I’m not a psychologist, I don’t know you, your partner or your relationship but that post… have you thought about getting some advice? I had councelling for stress management once, it really helped.
Just walk away, you don’t let people that yell have ears to abuse, just walk away.
Another Designer… bold, red, caps and lots of exclamation marks? Time to take a few deep breaths definitely. While I get you’re upset, I’ve said in the past thread when you were really stressed that you should consider visiting someone like a councillor or psychologist… not that you need it in the critical sense, just that those kind of people deal with individuals who’ve had traumas in their past that need some assistance with (which I suspect as you brought it up as an attributing factor). I’m sure your other half wasn’t saying anything to annoy you on purpose, it was probably well intentioned and it may even have been constructed (if your phone conversation was like this on the anger level), I know a few people who suffer “phone rage” where their frustrations with the other person result in a yell-fest. On a constructive note: whenever I get stressed I go to a quiet place and meditate for a few… it works for me, perhaps it might for you!
Dude. There are worse things in life than this.
Frankly - if you are that frustrated, posting it on forums is not going to help you. There is going to be people who will cause you even more anger. If you are looking for someone to take your side and calm you down - this isn’t.
Talk to a counselor. A friend. Unless you can handle hard answers, post online.
This is a hard answer, perhaps not the one you were looking for.
Sleep on it. Talk to your wife later.