IF ARCHITECTS HAD TO WORK LIKE WEB COMPANIES

[creole]

OKOK...some of you migth have seen this before, but I could not resist posting this. Who here has not been in the same situation?

IF ARCHITECTS HAD TO WORK LIKE WEB COMPANIES

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of
what I want. Also, bring me the cost reakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of
the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the
75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of
later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

[etLux]

And that's what the *good* clients are like... lol.

[Nicky]

Ditto In fact, I would go as far as saying that is what the VERY good clients are like. I must show this to my students they will love it!

[dkilburn]

My web page class was just complaining about how hard it is to get info from the final project clients. They'll love this!

[TWTCommish]

If I could change only one simple thing about my clients, it would be that they would not take 3 weeks to give me the Mission Statement, and then ask me why the site isn't posted yet. Virtually every site someone has hired me to build could have been done in half the time if not for client delays.

[Hierophant]

I just had to drop a potentially large client because he spent three months trying to figure out how he wanted to achieve what he wanted (an Online Store) as well as getting me the text for the site. We started talking in August and he didn't understand why I couldn't promise him Christmas sales for this year when he gave me the text at the beginning of the month.

[TWTCommish]

Another version might go more like this:

The client wants a house with bright orange siding. He has also decided on a hot pink roof, with the words "BOB'S HOUSE! WELCOME!" smeared in white paint across it.

Bob also wants windchimes hung on EVERYTHING outside of the house, and insists that his doorbell play the Casio-keyboard version of "Play That Funky Music White Boy."

[Michel V]

W.Luke what ??? You didn't write the texts by yourself ? You didn't figure out what the client wanted on his site ? What is he paying you for, then ?

More seriously, i get this kind of reproach every day. "How come you haven't published the new almanach ? -The drawings & the text aren't arrived yet." "Did you design this page and balanced text & photos ? -Still waiting for the text sir."

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