Programming insults!

Community
1

Heres an idea, how about a working insult system. The best system wins…glory of being the best programmer on SitePoint Forums :smiley: :D. LOL, naw its just for fun see who can do the funniest thing.

So get cracking :-)…Anxious to see the results :smiley: :bouncy:

2

I am not quite sure I understand your intentions!

3

Through the art of programming you will come up with an insult based on whatever language. For example:


If person("you") = "nice person" Then
       response.write("nice to meet you! :-)")
  Else
       response.write("you suck!:-)")
End If

Ok lets lenghten this catagory :D…whatever FUNNY thing you have found based on programming then we would LOVE to see :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

4

Well, obfuscated Perl is always fun. See my sig. It prints “japh”, sort for “Just another Perl hacker”, some term coined a long time ago by a Perl freak.

Just writing Lisp code is an insult to Lisp, like this (not actual Lisp code, but it looks like it)…

((((((((((((((((((set-q ((((((get-value-q lisp-suckiness-factor))))(((string ’ lisp sucks)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Here is a VB insult to VB (exaggerated, but you get the point :))…

While The Variable Named VBSucks Is Not The String “VB Does Not Suck”
VBSucks.SetValue.AsNum = VBSucks.GetValue.AsNum + TheNumberThatIsOneMoreThanZero
End While

Which, of course, in Perl could be written as:
$v++while$v;

A reduction from 161 chars to just 13.

I haven’t really worked on insulting PEOPLE with programming languages. I prefer to have languages insult themselves…

5 
<?php
$adj[0] = "stupid";
$adj[1] = "ugly";
$adj[2] = "et cetera";
// ...
$nouns[0] = "fool";
$nouns[1] = "newbie";
$nouns[2] = "poopyhead";
// ...

srand ((double)microtime()*1000000);
shuffle($adj); shuffle($nouns);

$adj1=$adj[0]; $adj2=$adj[1]; $noun=$nouns[0];

echo "You $adj1 $adj2 $noun!";
?>

:slight_smile:

Edit: This could be edited to get the adjectives and nouns from a text file, i.e.:

adj.txt:
stupid,ugly,et cetera

nouns.txt:
fool,newbie,poopyhead

<?php
$fd = fopen ("adj.txt", 'r'); $adj_file = fread ($fd, filesize ("adj.txt")); fclose ($fd);
$fd = fopen ("nouns.txt", 'r'); $noun_file = fread ($fd, filesize ("nouns.txt")); fclose ($fd);

$adj=explode(",", $adj_file); $nouns=explode(",", $noun_file);
srand ((double)microtime()*1000000);
shuffle($adj); shuffle($nouns);

$adj1=$adj[0]; $adj2=$adj[1]; $noun=$nouns[0];

echo "You $adj1 $adj2 $noun!";
?>

And code for adding a noun or adjective to the file could be written pretty easily from there.

Had to do that to give PHP equal representation to qslack’s evil Perl propoganda. :smiley:

6 
<?php

    $person = $HTTP_GET_VARS['person'];


    if ($person == "") {

        $person = "NotMe";

    }



    if ($person == "sean") {

        echo "Look everyone Sean's here!";

    } else {

        $insult = array("Go away", "Get lost", "Idiot", "Stupid");

        shuffle($insult);

        echo $insult[0];

    }

?>
7

http://www.mainstrike.com/mstservices/handy/insult.html

8

Those seem all pretty good…there was one that I saw that made me laugh for a LONG time…aspen got any programming insluts :-)not generators…but that is helarious also :D:D

Thou cockered common-kissing pignut, Thou fobbing beef-witted skainsmate, Thou weedy dread-bolted pignut, Thou puking doghearted strumpet, Thou goatish beef-witted horn-beast…

rofl thats too stupid :smiley: :D…

9

If day.quality < 10 Then
*****_mode = “Full”
Else If day.quality > 10 Then
*****_mode = “Moderate”
End If

If *****_mode = “Full” Then
Speak.Mouth.OutLoud(mind.current_insult)
Else
While 1 = 1
Do
Speak.Mouth.OutLoud(mind.problems)
Loop
Wend
End If

If stress.level > 5 Then
Explode()
Else If anger.level > 5 Then
Kill()
Else
stress.level = stress.level + 1
End If

If day.quality > 50 Then
Ruin_Day()
End If

something to that effect is always humurous… :slight_smile: