They don't get on my nerves.
Sticky footers do their job in the right place and have done since I created the original in 2003.
Fixed footers don't work in IE6 so they are a lot more work if you want to support IE6.
Both have their uses in the right place just like many other elements
The reason you can't have a normal footer on your page is because you have used absolute positioning for your content and columns. Absolute elements are removed from the flow and you can't place a footer under absolute columns. This also means you can't use a sticky footer because the page has no flow and nothing for the element to foot. (Think of absolute elements as elements that don't exist in respect to anything outside them on the page.)
With your current structure it is impossible for you to have any footer apart from a fixed positioned footer (as mentioned in the post above). However that means that IE6 will have no support and the footer will overlap other content. Usually you would float things and limit the use of absolute positioning where structural elements are concerned.
If you don't care about IE6 then wrap your footer up in a div called something like this:
The only other thing you will need to do is to apply some padding to the bottom of the left and right columns equal to the height of the footer so that you will be able to scroll the content into view and not have it hidden behind the footer.
Hope that helps