I should clarify that I wasn’t at all depressed when I wrote this post - I was happy, cheerful and optimistic, and describing a thought process that lead me from initial despondency to concluding positivity; but that throughout, the central tenet of my belief that nothing ultimately matters didnt’ change at all - all that changed was I feel about that.

We all can and do find meaning, but the meaning we find is arbitrary and entirely personal - there are no absolutes, just choices and points of view.

And as John Lennon said - “whatever gets you through the night, it’s allright”

What I can’t understand is why lack of meaning is seen as a bad thing, or seen to imply sadness, coldness or lack of love. It isn’t any of those things. People are still beautiful, the world is still amazing, life is still a precious and wondrous thing. It doesn’t have to mean anything to be nice. It can be, as you say, “bright, incandescent and full of joy” while still being utterly devoid of greater significance.

Being unable to find meaning eventually leads to detachment. Finding meaning aids in a sense of purpose. Without purpose, why get out of bed in the morning? If everything you do today doesn’t matter, if it serves no purpose why do anything at all?

Even though you may not be making that distinction yet, such thinking — once it become ingrained — leads down that path.

What I can’t understand is why lack of meaning is seen as a bad thing, or seen to imply sadness, coldness or lack of love.

Because without this kind of compass it is easy to fall into despair and a general sense of pointlessness about everything. A usual response to these feelings is then either a rush into hedonism at one extreme or renunciation of the world on the other.

People are still beautiful, the world is still amazing, life is still a precious and wondrous thing.

Yes. But the negative sentiments you were expressing earlier are also very real. So the world is made up of shadows and light. When we accept that, and come to terms with it, then we can become happier.

A diamond is still a diamond, even though it’s just a lump of carbon.

And so it goes.

My outlook on life is rather binary. Either everything is insignificant or everything matters. I choose to see the later as my experience tells me so. If when I die there is nothing then I will be annihilated in the void. Fine. But if not, and I try and live a conscious life, treating others and animals with respect and love, and have faith that by my doing so I can elevate myself. Fine.

It’s a choice you see. I think James is experiencing a dissatisfaction with life, that is sadly very widespread. It is spiritual yearning actually. A need that no amount of technology or stuff can fill.

As Thomas Merton once said.

“What does it benefit us that we may sail to the stars, when we cannot cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves?”

These negative feels also pass, and feeling of nihilism and existential experiences are often signs of a shift in consciousness, the death of an old way of looking at the world and the birth of a new consciousness. It is like a death, but ask yourself this. What is it that is making you aware of your own mind? What is it that shines a light, illuminating your perceptions and your own mental state? There is something there that is giving you these glimpses of despair and hope. That is soul. Bright, incandescent, full of joy. So have a little faith.

All I can say is I have been in this spot. Repeatedly.

All I can offer is a heart felt hug and to maybe tease you with a bit of funky accessible, functional, cross browser compatible CSS… ;-) My messengers are almost always on and I am more than willing to discuss this particular way of thinking or any others really.

With a cuddly hug,
Shelley

I know its easy to believe in nothingness, and that spirituality is the ego, but i think its important to be humble even in nihilism if you want to approach the truth; too much pomp (ie: writing off the whole world) is an easy thing to fall into when you’re depressed but don’t let it get in the way of the truth.

I have worked for several large web organisations (top 100 visited sites in the UK) and at each company I have had a battle with deliverables.

For example, only the other day I had a meeting where for an hour I has explaining my point on how to design and develop the core part of the companies website. I mentioned how important it was to make sure that its intuitive, user acceptance tested, developed in a manor that its flexible for improvments, can be reused across other points of sale etc etc.

All i kept hearing from the project manager, something that i hear from various companies, is that ‘the business’ want this done by next week, they dont care how its coded.

Now a huge chunk of my career has been spent on presentations and agruments on how important coding correctly, for example for accessibility, and yet nobody is interested.

It is extremely stressful and depressing but instead of residing myself to giving in, I have decided to do the best job I can given the time I have. If the rest of the team do a half arsed job just to get the product out the door then thats their call… I want to be proud of my work.

Its such a shame companies still do not get the importance of developing correctly.