Awesome Shyflower, thanx for the great feedback. I agree! Think I need to make use of the call to action approach. Maybe make a sale or two in the process. You people are brilliant!
Thanx for the valuable input. I don’t neccesarily want the reader to take any actions. My goal is merely to inform the community about the new store launch. But, I like the idea of offering them something in return
In the current energy-efficient climate, I wouldn’t put “fuel up” in any headline that is meant to encourage people to buy a vehicle.
DCrux is right on this. Your headline should be a strong call to action – the action being that you want the reader to read the rest of the press release.
Start it out with an active verb. “Kick-start Your Day with a New Turn-key Harley” “Drive into a brand new ride: Harley Davidson grand opening (in name of city or date)”.
Or pull from your content to see what’s special about the grand-opening. Are they giving away a bike? Will they have special exhibitions?
The bottom line is to get your reader involved at the top of the page.
None of these headlines do the job. First off you’re talking about your excitement; you should be talking about the reader. Next, there is no news value to spur word of mouth or publicity.
You’ve given nobody a reason to care you opened a store.
Ride any New Harley-Davidson® Motorcycle at [Dealer Name] and Enter to Win a New Bike is standard fare, somewhat unimaginative, and a quantum leap beyond any of your headline choices.
I think you’re over analysing before you actually do anything. Why not pick the one you think is the worst one and pitch it against the best one? Stick with the one that does better and then test it against something else.