Flame away 
The American Resource for Materials Pending Investigatory Techniques (A.R.M.P.I.T.) have released some rather revealing and hairy statistics this morning concerning younger Americans. The president is expected to make a comment on educational reform later this week.
•78% teenagers admit to having replaced audible laughter with speaking the term “lol” when something funny is said
•In nearly all homes across the United States whose animal is a labrador, the canine regularly scores higher on a mathematic level than 42% of children ages 7 to 15, and 63% of all parents. A sign that clearly shows parents should definitely not be “helping” their child in school, and that perhaps Fido should. Well, if it weren’t for that darn dogs don’t talk thing.
•More than 90% of all highschool males are telling the truth when they come to school citing the excuse that the dog ate their home work, when the assignment was made of bacon.
•22% of all children do not know what a book is
•Arkansas does not actually exist.
•1 in 5 students in public schools today admit to not knowing whether they are left or right handed.
More statistics are expected to come later this year, so stay tuned.