"Morons. These people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless. They must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network. Unfortunately, the connection works both ways. Long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer."
"Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked — the FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your personal files. See for yourself; just log in with your normal id...." — Classic joke on new Unix users.
"Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G ?"
A t-shirt that I have:
I HAVE NOT LOST MY MIND,
I SOLD IT ON EBAY.
"You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary." — Juuso Heimonen
Just stated by a co-worker: “It’s kind of like Monday, except Wednesday.”
^ _ ^
Overheard from another co-worker: “I’m telling you, it’s the third Monday.”
^ _ ^
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”
The civil engineer breaks in:
“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”
The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
“And who do you think created chaos?”
I’ve just been helping a friend set up her first ever iPad, which required her to create an Apple ID. We were a little flummoxed by the subsequent message that some apps would require “parental authorisation” (or something similar), given that we had correctly entered her date of birth as 1937…
Contacting the parents of an 80 year old? You must have accidentally bought a OuijiPad.