well. some jokes for liveliness :D

[Ruchir]

Friends,
enjoy this....


TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher : "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the
toothpastes and put back it into the tube again."

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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
TEACHER: George can you count up to 5?
George counts up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.
TEACHER: Good, now can you count any higher?
George climbs up on his chair and counts five again using his fingers.

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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this card(report card).

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TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

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TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the
other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
home.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game
went into extra time.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl,"'cause Mommy's
still got hers."
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
A kid with a few packages in his arms asked a passerby, "Will you open
the gate for me?"
The passerby said, "Of course, sonny."
The kid replied," Thanks. The gate was just painted and I didn't want
to get my hands messy."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ed: What time is it when Dracula goes to the dentist?
John: I don't know.
Ed: Tooth hurty(2:30)

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Ed: My uncle and I went on a safari to Africa last year.
John: Oh, yeah? How did it go?
Ed: We spotted a leopard.
John: Don't be silly. They're born that way!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current
affairs.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Tarun : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
Dinesh : You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.


Post some here if u have more !!

[weirdbeardmt]