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  1. #576
    SitePoint Enthusiast
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    where do you get subscribed to such junk emails??????????
    Elite Writing Services: Articles, Web Content and Copy Writing
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  2. #577
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    Mmh, sorry if it's been already posted (but I am not reading through 24 pages):

    News flash!
    The Old Bush Library has experienced a fire.
    All three books were destroyed, and a White House spokesman said on George W. Bush's behalf that he was deeply saddened because he hadn't finished colouring in the 2nd one...


    [+] Wikipedia - The free encyclopedia
    [+] Wombat - my site.
    Contact @ mokuias at gmail dot com

  3. #578
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    I had heard that the red pencil and the green pencil had been confiscated as they were too sharp.

  4. #579
    SitePoint Enthusiast amanda77's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mokuias
    Mmh, sorry if it's been already posted (but I am not reading through 24 pages):

    News flash!
    The Old Bush Library has experienced a fire.
    All three books were destroyed, and a White House spokesman said on George W. Bush's behalf that he was deeply saddened because he hadn't finished colouring in the 2nd one...


    :'( :'(

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying

  5. #580
    SitePoint Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by amanda77
    :'( :'(

    I'm laughing so hard I'm crying
    My work is done here. Glad to have made your day.
    Cheers Amanda.
    [+] Wikipedia - The free encyclopedia
    [+] Wombat - my site.
    Contact @ mokuias at gmail dot com

  6. #581
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

    “Well", replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type of dress are you looking for?”

    The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”

    The sales clerk didn’t know quite what to say but she finally said, “Frankly, madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time-for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean?”

    “Well” replied the customer, more than a little put out. “I can assure you that I am as innocent as the rest of them. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first time bride.”

    “You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into a terrible fight in the limo on our way to the reception and have not spoken since. We had that wedding annulled immediately.”

    “What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.

    “Well” said the woman, ” he was a Democrat and every night for four years he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be.”
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
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  7. #582
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southerners? Read the following:

    You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
    What do you do?

    Democrat Answer:

    Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question. Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

    Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 911?Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

    Republican Answer: BANG!

    Southerner’s Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click….(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
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  8. #583
    SitePoint Enthusiast Lavern's Avatar
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    Talking Laughing so Hard....

    ...my sides are hurting!

  9. #584
    SitePoint Wizard bronze trophy conradical's Avatar
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    1. Who ever invented fire must've been a bright spark.

    2. What do you call a foxy looking blonde? A foxymoron.

    * I know, not exactly side splitting as the rest.

  10. #585
    SitePoint Enthusiast Rev's Avatar
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    dunno but its first time i am here and those stories rulez

  11. #586
    SitePoint Enthusiast Wolfy_Websites's Avatar
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    the panda



    A Panda walks into a resturant & asks for the cafe's most finest food, their best wine, & the most splendid pudding. When the panda has nearly finished the chef comes over to check that the meal was to the panda's satisfaction.
    The Panda looks at the chef, then takes out a gun and shoots him.
    The owner comes rushing out from behind the counter & chases after the panda who is walking out the door. The Panda takes one look at the man & says: Look mate, I know what your going to say. So you go in there & look up the panda in the dictionary.
    And with that the panda runs away.
    The man goes into the cafe, looks up panda in the dictionary & sees:

    W
    A
    I
    T

    F
    O
    R

    I
    T
    :



    SCROLL DOWN...





    Panda. Large Mammal. Eats shoots & leaves.

    What?
    Typo's aren't illegal you know...

    I be lonely..add me to your msn contacts!

  12. #587
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy TheOriginalH's Avatar
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    A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.

    He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below him. Descending a bit more, he shouted "excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am".

    The woman below replied "you're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and 9 and 60 degrees west latitude."

    "You must be in IT", said the balloonist.

    "I am," replied the woman "how do you know?"

    "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is techincally correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all! If anything, you've delayed my trip."

    The woman below responded, "You must be in management".

    "What makes you say that?" replied the balloonist.

    "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it's my fault!"



    .....
    Off Topic:


    The above gag kinda needs a comma to have the right impact....seems typos are illegal
    Last edited by TheOriginalH; May 20, 2005 at 20:37.
    ~The Artist Latterly Known as Crazy Hamster~
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    Currently delving into Django, GIT & CentOS

  13. #588
    Drupaler bronze trophy greg.harvey's Avatar
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    LOL! This is the best post in here for ages!

    Excellent variation on the old management consultant joke. Nice one!

    G

  14. #589
    get into it! bigduke's Avatar
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    Event : an allied forces' soldier sneezes in Tikrit residential area, Iraq

    Al Jazeera's version of fair news :
    Today the Allied forces carried out a sporadic pre-emptive biological attack on innocent civillians spreading a vicious virus claiming 4 victims already and still counting. According to US president Mr.Bush such an act of atrocity was termed a mere sneeze.

  15. #590
    SitePoint Wizard mPeror's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigduke
    Event : an allied forces' soldier sneezes in Tikrit residential area, Iraq

    Al Jazeera's version of fair news :
    Today the Allied forces carried out a sporadic pre-emptive biological attack on innocent civillians spreading a vicious virus claiming 4 victims already and still counting. According to US president Mr.Bush such an act of atrocity was termed a mere sneeze.
    Off Topic:

    Al Jazeera is neutral compared to western media which :
    - Calls the iraqi resistance "terrorists" even when the war was illegal.
    - avoid talking about the allied forces losses.
    - shows the allied forces (especially US forces) as heroes and welcomed by Iraqis when they're not.
    - Justifies the crimes (or might not even mention them) that some soldiers commit.

    ..etc. So yea , Al Jazeera is much better than the other biased media.

  16. #591
    The Legend Indian's Avatar
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    ^Politics!^

    Death --the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening.

    TinyPlanet.org
    Discuss and Debate World Events, Politics and Religion

  17. #592
    SitePoint Wizard mPeror's Avatar
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    That's why i used the "off topic" tag

  18. #593
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy TheOriginalH's Avatar
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    Off-topic or not, politics and religion are conversational no-nos on SitePoint. There are other places such discussion can take place - but for historical reasons, it can not take place here, sorry.
    ~The Artist Latterly Known as Crazy Hamster~
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    Currently delving into Django, GIT & CentOS

  19. #594
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    A holy man of an undisclosed religion and a politician of unknown political persuasion walk into a bar...
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
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  20. #595
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy TheOriginalH's Avatar
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    ~The Artist Latterly Known as Crazy Hamster~
    922ee590a26bd62eb9b33cf2877a00df
    Currently delving into Django, GIT & CentOS

  21. #596
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    Sometimes spam is funny

    I received this piece of spam today, one of the dozen or so that get past Thunderbird's filters every day.

    I'm sure this wasn't meant as a joke, but I found it humorous (especially as a caucasian male - please read entire quote below to see why!)

    This is a direct copy and paste, with only the link removed.
    Major income handling Judicial Judgments.

    Work from Anywhere.
    Be the Boss.
    Determine when you desire to go on a holiday.

    5,000US to 12,000US PM.

    Professional customer training and assistance.

    http://xxxx.xxx.x.xxxxxxx.x.xxx/xx/
    For additional info or to un-register or to see our address.


    Testimonial from Karen A., in Ohio. I wanted to say thank you very much
    for the information. We appreciate all of the support we have been getting
    from you. I have to admit that I was not as convinced as my husband when we
    first purchased your program. However, my opinion has certainly changed. The
    response from our efforts so far is great, but the help and support we are
    getting from you is what has really blown me away. My husband is so excited
    (and so am I) that he happened upon this business. He so much wants to get
    away from having to travel so much for work and he is determined to be able
    to do that within the next 1 to 2 years. I just want to say thank you for
    providing that possibility for us.


    Make kill with bang-sticks. We kill white man with club
    Then we eat white man
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
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  22. #597
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    Why did Michael Jackson rush down to KMart for their latest sale?
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    He heard little boys pants were half off!
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
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  23. #598
    SitePoint Wizard bronze trophy conradical's Avatar
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    How will you know if a scot is wearing underwear?

    Look for the dandruff on his shoes....

  24. #599
    SitePoint Enthusiast Wolfy_Websites's Avatar
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    Talking M J

    What have Michael Jackson & a PlayStation2 got in common?
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    They are both plastic & they both get turned on by children.
    What?
    Typo's aren't illegal you know...

    I be lonely..add me to your msn contacts!

  25. #600
    SitePoint Zealot toograffic's Avatar
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    We need a new Michael Jackson joke thread!
    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen
    and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
    Retirement Communities and Senior Housing Options
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