Hate. It's such a heavy word, isn't it? We look into the eyes of a sweet orphan child and recall the words of some great prophet or other and say to ourselves, hate is such an evil thing, destroying our hearts and bringing things to a dark end and all... we shouldn't hate, we should love.

Or something. Whatever.

But I HATE SPAMMERS.

They steal from me.
The rob my time.
The break my tools.

They make everything suck with their sleeeze. THEY are a source of suckage.

Read this. Please.
Google’s decreasingly useful, spam-filled web search.

Someone invents an awesome tool. It's useful and we use it. Like teh interwebs, a way to spread useful information.

Spammers break it.

Someone invents e-mail. We can contact people!

Spammers break it.

We switch to something else: MSN, bloggities, social networks.

Spammers break it.

We try twitter.

Spammers break it. The number of spammer followers I've blocked is twice the size of my actual followers list. I mention Vim Golf; some GolfUSA starts trying to follow me, hoping I will buy golf garbage. I don't golf. I hate golf. It's a retarded game where rich old men wear ugly clothes and hit little balls with metal sticks. You didn't even read what I said: GOLF in programming ISN'T HITTING LITTLE BALLS SO GO AWAY. But you ruined my day with your garbage spam. I had to waste time blocking your garbage and reporting you... which will do nothing, because if someone closes your account, you'll make another. Or 10.

We use search engines to find information: the web is just too big to find everything we want by reference alone.

Spammers break it. You can't find anything useful on more and more topics because people use the words you look for to say NOTHING. They somehow get paid because you were fooled into clicking, if only for the moment it took for you to realise they've wasted your time and you hit the BACK button. YOU SHOULD PAY ME FOR THAT CLICK, BUDDY.
You convince teh SE's to tell you what we are searching for so you can ruin our lives even more. (Oh and I don't use Duck-duck-go; there's Scroogle and Ixquick and who knows what else)

And the worst thing is, many of these spammers don't think they are spammers. They're sitting right here, on SitePoint forums and other forums, asking about keyword density, SEO, whether content scrapers and spinners are alright (wtf? DIE) and which types to use. SPLOGS. How to use affiliate marketing, affiliate links, affiliate spam. Spam spam spam. You can have what you want so long as it's spam spam spam. Affiliate is now a dirty word, thanks to you! "But wait, I'm not garbage, I'm an SEO professional!" Uh, exactly: your job is TO BREAK THE GOOGLES, to make something come out on top REGARDLESS OF HOW USEFUL IT ACTUALLY IS TO SEARCHERS. Now those who really DO have the content and the products we want have to come to YOU just to try to rise above the spam... and still fail.

YOU BROKE MY MAILING LISTS.

YOU BROKE MY TOOLS.

YOU BROKE MY INTERNET.

You owe me for my time you've stolen when I looked for something, signed up for something, tried to talk to someone, and YOU answered with nothing but empty nothings, sales, promises, marketing, and garbage. AND PILLS. You know, why don't you try to sell me a bazooka so I can track you down and tell you what I REALLY THINK.

I want to take you and use you as personal pets to fetch me beer out of the fridge for a year. I want you to physically carry me and my friends and my things on your backs to wherever I want to go. Then I want you to go away and do something useful like make me a sandwich.

Hate is a strong word. When I'm robbed, of time and energy, I think I can say I'm not enlightened enough (sorry Siddharta) to turn the other cheek and say I love you. I hate you. I hate you all.

Because you get away with it. You never die. You never go away.

But the Internets, they exist for companies to earn money, right? I can't just sit back and expect free content like some entitled dirty hippy scum, right? Uh, no, I'm paying for access to information that other human beings (IE NOT SPAMMERS) are already offering for free. And if I'm looking for a product someone is selling, I don't want YOUR VERSION. Don't stop me from finding those who are actually selling what I DO want. Don't steal their content and spout pseudo-babble to "push them down in the rankings" because I don't want you, I want THEM. SPAMMERS, you prevent legitimate businesses from earning money on the Internet. Your arguments are retarded, because any "information" you think you offer (which you stole from others), someone else has already offered without ADS FOR HERPES TREATMENTS and GIVE HER THE HANDBAG SHE DESERVES. You offer NOTHING of value. You only destroy.

First WE built everything, developers in their free time, people's time building communities. What's the value in facebook and twitter and mailing lists and forums? The people who spend their time there, offer their knowledge and support there (for FREE), that's what. And you come along and break it all. We leave, fleeing the garbage. We try a new area, and for just a fleeting moment, there is relief. But you follow, and break everything, stink it up with your GET RICH QUICK, LIST YOUR SITE, EBAY CASH MACHINE, CHEAP DRUGS, EMAIL LISTINGS and MAKE HER SMILE garbage.

Of course, the absolute worst thing about it is, some of us are listening to you. Some of us are answering you, giving you money, spreading you around. Because if nobody replied, clicked on those links, bought those enhancement drugs, you would vanish. I hate you because YOU ARE ALSO OUR OWN FAULT. I hate me, even though I never clicked you, never bought you, never read you, but enough of my friends did that you could tell YOUR friends "this is the way to go".

Spammers, I HATE YOU. I hate you with all my worth. Sorry Confucious, I'm not a lady. Sorry Jesus and Muhammad, I cannot love here. No higher standards for me I guess.

All is doomed.

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