The Social Skills of a Web Developer - or lack thereof!

[mizwizzy]

The Social Skills of a Web Developer - or lack thereof!

I've been thinking about this topic lately and comparing myself to other Web Designers/Developers out there. I find personally that I'm pretty approachable, an all rounder and pretty "ok" at what I do. It made me think of the characteristics, traits and social attitude web developers need to have to get by in this business.

The old myth or viewpoint of a computer nerd has changed somewhat to when I first started with web design and development. Usually one thought that you (a) had zero social skills and (b) you wore black thick framed glasses, black clothes and hibernated in your bedroom all year round! (if you're still keeping this look up, it's time to change buddy!)

I guess my question here is more focussed on the social aspect of this line of work rather than the technical side of things. Do you find it difficult to interact with clients? Perhaps all your work is sourced exclusively via the web for this very reason? Maybe you're great at networking and can offer up some tips on how to solve the previous question?

For me, I'm OK at socialising - within reason. If I have to meet with clients, attend functions, conferences etc I will of course but it is still a struggle for me nonetheless I think the initial stages of this i.e. actually going there and meeting with clients or attending functions is the biggest step for me, once I'm there I'm glad I made the effort - but it's just that little kickstart I constantly struggle with

When does it get easy? Is being socialable something that comes natural? You either have it or you don't? Is this something you can learn? I know a couple of people who are fantastic web designers but their social skills are non existant - zero confidence in themselves *not their ability* but they hide away because of fear essentially because of this whole social element! Do you have any advice on how they can combat this issue and get over this barrier? Maybe you've once been like this yourself and finally mastered your fear?

Welcome your thoughts guys

[AutisticCuckoo]

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

[Black Max]

I don't know from acronyms, but I think I'm schizophrenic. I am quite good at socializing, very much at ease with large numbers of people, and something of a raconteur, but I tend to prefer my own company and that of my wife's to hanging with larger groups.

I can understand people being socially inept, but what I don't understand is the perverse pride some take in being such an inept, socially dysfunctional person. My stepson is like this: he's gone from not knowing how to do more than stare at someone like a gape-jawed sea bass when they speak to him, to employing this incredibly cheesy "Howdy!" persona like some grinning car salesman. (He has about three phrases he can use, then it's back to staring. And yes, he's a big computer geek. Ask him about overclocking or WoW and he's off to the races.)

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

Then why does Mrs. Max think you're the ginchiest?

[Stevie D]

I can understand people being socially inept, but what I don't understand is the perverse pride some take in being such an inept, socially dysfunctional person.

Because it's more fulfilling (in the short term at least) to be happy with yourself, and proud of who you are, than to spend the whole time wishing you could be someone or something else. If you are the sort of person who prefers the company of computers to the company of other people, why should you apologise for that? It's part of who you are, and you'll get much further in life if you're happy with your own life, rather than feeling bad about not being what you're not.

[conradical]

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

When Grizzly bears see Tommy, they play dead.

[AutisticCuckoo]

I would strongly advice anyone who was about to meet you that they don't mention XHTML...At all.

Oh, no worries … unless they insist on serving it as text/html and putting those ridiculous spaces before NESTC delimiters.

I am quite good at socializing, very much at ease with large numbers of people, and something of a raconteur, but I tend to prefer my own company and that of my wife's to hanging with larger groups.

I prefer your wife's company, too.

Then why does Mrs. Max think you're the ginchiest?

What can I say … she's a very perceptive and intelligent lady!

When Grizzly bears see Tommy, they play dead.

ROTFLMAO

[Sugirda]

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

INTJ is a new term I learnt today thanks to you

[dnordstrom]

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

I'm an INTJ as well, introvert strategist and as such pretty asocial. I like working from home, alone in my studio which I've set up nicely.

My clients are happy. It limits my work in the way that I as a startup have to push myself to get clients as I'm not social by nature. I believe in Jason Fried's philosophy that meetings are toxic, and prefer email or structured collaboration via a nice PM software.

When I do get clients, they tend to stick with me though. Never had one leave, never had one that doesn't take what I say seriously and listen to me. Probably will at some point, been "lucky" until now.

There's your answer. Now send over some clients. Seriously, I could use them.

[AutisticCuckoo]

When I do get clients, they tend to stick with me though.

I think that's quite typical for an INTJ. Those we don't scare off immediately tend to appreciate us and stick around.

[dnordstrom]

I think that's quite typical for an INTJ. Those we don't scare off immediately tend to appreciate us and stick around.

Haha, true. Funny now that you say "scare off immediately" — I guess some people are a bit startled by the very "direct" and efficient communication style we usually apply even from the beginning.

[kohoutek]

I'm an INTJ as well, introvert strategist and as such pretty asocial. I like working from home, alone in my studio which I've set up nicely.

My clients are happy. It limits my work in the way that I as a startup have to push myself to get clients as I'm not social by nature. I believe in Jason Fried's philosophy that meetings are toxic, and prefer email or structured collaboration via a nice PM software.

When I do get clients, they tend to stick with me though. Never had one leave, never had one that doesn't take what I say seriously and listen to me. Probably will at some point, been "lucky" until now.

There's your answer. Now send over some clients. Seriously, I could use them.

That sums me up as well. Not because it's cool or geeky, but because I'm set up that way, and I've been born an introvert (long before the internet/computer days).

[mizwizzy]

ok, well that's a bit scary! Do you find that your behaviour limits you with your work Tommy? Considering your above statement I'm assuming that you can put on a "happy socialising face" when required?

I think I've a split personality, I tend to be an Introvert with Extravert type tendancies Maybe it just depends on my form for that day, how confident I feel or perhaps just who I'm talking to! Even as a teacher, I can get up there and deliver a class to 30 if not more but it's like the flick of a switch, suddenly I'm bubbly, socialiable and no one would know that minutes before I would struggle to just get up there in the first place! When I'm up there and doing my thing, I'm loving it and having a laugh - it's all very weird

With my web design - Meeting with clients is ok but sometimes I can't seem to push myself to actually get out there and socialise more to obtain more business - I just wish there was something I could learn or do to get over this barrier that stands in my way, I'm not a lazy person at all

Any advice for my reclusive web design friends? I think ultimately it's a personal confidence issue for them, this is not going to change overnight I suspect

[AutisticCuckoo]

Do you find that your behaviour limits you with your work Tommy?

Not me, but perhaps my co-workers?

Considering your above statement I'm assuming that you can put on a "happy socialising face" when required?

Nope. I don't do cute. But I've trained my colleagues to walk on their tiptoes around me and not to contradict me unless they have very good arguments.

[ScallioXTX]

I didn't know the term INTJ, but what I read in the article fits me perfectly, especially

Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-)

I really don't like it when people say stuff that doesn't make sense to me (or seems unimportant to me for that matter), or if their thoughts appear to be all over the place; that easily confuses and agitates me.

For me this is not always a problem, it really depends on the person or persons I'm talking too. If the other person(s) in the conversation is able to keep a linear line of thought and doesn't say too many useless things I'll be able to get along with them. If they do however say useless things (which is subjective, I realise) most of the time I don't know how to respond and simply say nothing or "nice" or something. This invites some strange looks every now and then.

I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't talk much but says a lot, instead of talking a lot and not saying much.

[AndrewCooper]

I've been thinking about this topic lately and comparing myself to other Web Designers/Developers out there. I find personally that I'm pretty approachable, an all rounder and pretty "ok" at what I do. It made me think of the characteristics, traits and social attitude web developers need to have to get by in this business.

I sometimes do that comparison thing too. I'll watch videos of Web Designers / Developers / Techies giving conferences and key notes and so on and I'll think to myself how I might be in that situation.

I'm a pretty confident person when it comes to talking to anyone about technology and Web Design stuff, I love talking about it...When I meet someone who wants to talk about it. When I'm discussing things with clients we'll have a laugh, a giggle, and also be very serious and understanding of each other. The problem I have though is kicking a conversation off. I don't have the confidence to say hi to someone or talk to anyone I like, I don't have that confidence. But once someone has started talking to me, I'll natter on!

The old myth or viewpoint of a computer nerd has changed somewhat to when I first started with web design and development. Usually one thought that you (a) had zero social skills and (b) you wore black thick framed glasses, black clothes and hibernated in your bedroom all year round! (if you're still keeping this look up, it's time to change buddy!)

There are a lot more 'cooler' looking and 'fashionable' computer geeks in the world now so I think the viewpoint of computer geeks has changed to something positive altogether really. Also, I don't think many people have a choice these days with what's on sale in stores - Computer geeks of today can't wear clothes that computer geeks of yesteryear wore.

Do you find it difficult to interact with clients? Perhaps all your work is sourced exclusively via the web for this very reason?

I don't find it difficult to interact with anyone aslong as they have kicked off the conversation I do find it difficult to talk to girls though, I'm totally shy and all "Oh bloody hell...What should I say now?!" around girls.

When does it get easy? Is being socialable something that comes natural? You either have it or you don't? Is this something you can learn? I know a couple of people who are fantastic web designers but their social skills are non existant - zero confidence in themselves *not their ability* but they hide away because of fear essentially because of this whole social element! Do you have any advice on how they can combat this issue and get over this barrier? Maybe you've once been like this yourself and finally mastered your fear?

I guess it could be something that comes natural to some people. I don't know for sure whether I was a confident / socialable person or not before I went to secondary school, but after I was in secondary school I was confident enough to do solo performances at school at perform the Royal Albert Hall (after many many vocal lessons, might I add).

I'm an INTJ, so socialising isn't my thing. My usual behaviour is similar to that of a grizzly bear in a foul mood. And a toothache.

That is a very interesting read! I'd like to think I'm like that, but hey, who knows. I don't.

Nope. I don't do cute. But I've trained my colleagues to walk on their tiptoes around me and not to contradict me unless they have very good arguments.

Haha, anyone who knows you shouldn't need training for that! I would strongly advice anyone who was about to meet you that they don't mention XHTML...At all.

Andrew Cooper

[Trapped]

I'm a pretty confident person when it comes to talking to anyone about technology and Web Design stuff, I love talking about it...When I meet someone who wants to talk about it. When I'm discussing things with clients we'll have a laugh, a giggle, and also be very serious and understanding of each other. The problem I have though is kicking a conversation off. I don't have the confidence to say hi to someone or talk to anyone I like, I don't have that confidence. But once someone has started talking to me, I'll natter on!

"Your eyes are an inspiration for my next web design" - just teasing but it is interesting how some times funny/unrelated things can be a nice start off (yeah I bet its better testing them with people you don't know instead of with clients or in a conference) :P

[sg707]

I guess it depends on the work environment. Previous job, I was VERY socialized because other co-worker nearby had similar interest in web development... my new one.. let's just say I'm the only one doing programming. It gets bit lonely time to time.

[NetNerd85]

I'm a INFJ apparently.

I use to be shy, not any more. It took a lot of personal developing. It still takes a push to get off the ground sometimes but it gets easier to convince yourself all is well and all will be well. PD is an on going thing after all, Susan Jeffers Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway is good.

One thing I suggest people learn is a form of martial arts, like Wing Chun, it's the most effective in street combat. Of course you have to work up the courage to phone then go, but you can get private lessons. You will have no fear once you know you can snap someone in half, no matter how skinny or short you are.

Read the works of James Allen, Anthony Robbins, Paul Hanna or Cheryl Richardson for an extra boost of confidence. There are audio programs from most of those authors.

Being social is over rated though.

I guess it depends on the work environment. Previous job, I was VERY socialized because other co-worker nearby had similar interest in web development... my new one.. let's just say I'm the only one doing programming. It gets bit lonely time to time.

Know how you feel, some work environments are dead.

[guido2004]

I have no problem interacting with my clients. What I am less good at is selling myself. But fortunately I know some people that are very good in selling, so they take care of that
Once sold, I can handle client interaction very well myself.

[Trapped]

Well now...socializing with clients and socializing overall are two different things. I usually tend to keep close enough but also in a certain distance the clients. The needed distance that they can't act like if they were my close friends but neither to fear to ask me something.

If one has issues socializing in real life (not with clients) now that's something serious, while if it is socializing with the clients it is something you can learn and get used to with time. BUT you have to let your self go a bit (yeah, I don't mean acting like a jerk in front of your clients) but you need to let your self go. If you are still afraid, let the client start the discussion so you will get an idea what are the clients interests, follow him but don't overtake the entire discussion (heck I love people that talk a lot...but I want to say something too..once in awhile...).

On that note, I haven't got drunk for a month already...now I see why my head is getting all fuzzy and I get tired too fast (ding ding, socializing is a great relaxing method, refreshing your brain).

[php_daemon]

socializing is a great relaxing method, refreshing your brain

Not to me, no. To me socializing is draining and requires lots of effort.

Again, it's the introvert vs. extrovert thing. You can learn to socialize if it doesn't come natural to you if you want, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

[Trapped]

Not to me, no. To me socializing is draining and requires lots of effort.

Again, it's the introvert vs. extrovert thing. You can learn to socialize if it doesn't come natural to you if you want, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

True that Saul, it doesn't mean you have to like :> (but again..a good laugh, couple beers with friends is something I could not refuse.)

But still I don't think that it is something you have it or you don't. If you just stop staying in front of the computer and go out you will see that WE ALL HAVE IT.

Since 4 years already that I am doing web development full time my social life has gone to zero. But thats not because I never had it. Once i finished my studies, quit my part-time job and got into this venture, since THAT day my social life is sinking down (told you, been a month I haven't gone out having fun). While previously I would get up and go out even at midnight if a friend called me (mhmm yeah, have a nice pub right under my apartment).

So back to the discussion, it is US that refrain our self from socializing. You can't say I don't want to socialize with Demi Moore (ok perhaps you can..she is getting old kinda, name another one please!!!) :P

[php_daemon]

I consider myself to be anti-social and by that I meant I don't like social activities so I avoid them as possible. And I absolutely hate small talk.

I haven't ever actually met clients in person so I can't say how I can handle that. I'd like to think that if I'm well prepared, I would do good enough. It just seems like so much work, it's so much easier to communicate via email. You can spend all the time you need to understand what they're saying, to formulate a reponse and to keep track of everything without any extra effort.

That's why I like forums too - the communication is so much more productive. Being an introverted person, I actually have to think before I say something and it can be difficult in real time especially with the extroverts who are just blah blah blah

Regarding conferences, I think I could speak if I wanted to. Back in uni, I had my share of presentations. Granted the audience was small, but preparation is key. You just go up there and do your thing.

[php_daemon]

When does it get easy? Is being socialable something that comes natural? You either have it or you don't? Is this something you can learn?

I think it is natural to some people, those who are extroverted in particular. But I also think you can learn it if you want. But the thing is, you have to actually want it.

[Wolf_22]

The Social Skills of a Web Developer - or lack thereof!

I've been thinking about this topic lately and comparing myself to other Web Designers/Developers out there. I find personally that I'm pretty approachable, an all rounder and pretty "ok" at what I do. It made me think of the characteristics, traits and social attitude web developers need to have to get by in this business.

The old myth or viewpoint of a computer nerd has changed somewhat to when I first started with web design and development. Usually one thought that you (a) had zero social skills and (b) you wore black thick framed glasses, black clothes and hibernated in your bedroom all year round! (if you're still keeping this look up, it's time to change buddy!)

Welcome your thoughts guys

This topic of social ineptitude stems from situations where someone simply knows more about something than someone else does. I would think, too, that it also comes from those moments where one has other ideas about things that someone else may believe to be somewhat unsettling or alien in nature. I think it's the same in all fields really. It's kinda funny!

The thing that bothers me is this: when you take the time to explain complex things using simple words or meanings in order to help another, you should expect an attentive audience but what you usually receive is someone with glazed-over eyes who have the attention span of an ant and who care little for their own effort in the situation. I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it and everyone on earth will continue to do it--but that's humans being for ya!

It's always been my experience, too, that it's safer to be a genius about something rather than a fraudulent politician. If someone gives you hell or becomes troublesome just because you speak in acronyms and semantics, then in most cases, you're probably better off without them in your life. They may bark a lot but I only raise my ears when someone bites...