A universal matter - girls

[KC]

I heard an interesting conversation this morning on the radio about this very subject. One callers comment stuck in my mind the most and he was male. He said dating is all about gathering information about a person. Then you can cleary determine whether a person is right or wrong for you.

My husband and I dated only 6 months before taking the plunge. But this is exactly what we did (not knowing really). He didn't do things to try and impress me like most men do (lame, very lame). Instead he took a very forward approach and told me every little thing about himself including bad habits, experiences in his life, everything. And I did the same. We quickly learned after three or four dates our relationship was really going somewhere and we were without a doubt very compatible. Very simple and effective approach.

I also think women of today want and expect different things as opposed to women of my grandmother's generation.
Women at least imo don't want to be coddled by men contrary to men's belief. They want someone who can respect them, their independence, letting them have space when needed just as men want. And they certainly don't want to be treated like a man's mother or maid. Bad idea.

There are three things that make relationships thrive.
1). Selflessness
2). Trust
3). Communication

If you don't have the ability to give 100% to your partner, you are selfish. If go into a relationship with distrust based on past experiences, then you can't trust or be trusted. If you can't communicate with your partner, then you might as well throw your hands up and say forget it, which is what is one of the major causes of divorce today.

The biggest problem I see with men in the dating scene? You have a hard time letting go of the past, you fear committment, and confuse lust over love 95% of the time.

If you can't see the logic behind this, then I've got a sign for you.

[Sarah]

Originally posted by URAlly Women at least imo don't want to be coddled by men contrary to men's belief. They want someone who can respect them, their independence, letting them have space when needed just as men want. And they certainly don't want to be treated like a man's mother or maid. Bad idea. [/B]

I will certainly second that!

[KC]

Originally posted by Sarah

I will certainly second that!

After a 17 year failed marriage followed by a 7 year abusive relationship (lucky to be alive talking to you fine people), I learned alot about myself which was the single most important thing that has made this marriage thrive. I learned to like myself after so many failures. I have my husband to thank for that.

[Sarah]

ouch ... and a credit to yourself also don't forget

I suppose I am luckily in that I have seen too many abusive relationships not to get caught in that trap, plus have never got caught up in following the crowd so have always known my mind. Its not always done me any favours but I have only ever done what I wanted to do and therefore don't regret anything either. - most people call it stubborn I call it survival

[KC]

The odd thing about abusive relationships is you don't know what hit you until its too late. No pun intended.

This guy did all the right things in the beginning and then suddenly all hell broke loose and I couldn't get away from him no matter what I did. He is descibed by experts as a snake-pit bull if that gives you any indication of his personality. To this day, the guy still harrasses me and the relationship ended 4 1/2 years ago.

I'm still recovering from it physically and mentally and will for years to come as long as the harrassement exists. I'm always asked why I stayed in the relationship so long and my general answer, which is what experts will tell you, is that I thought I deserved it.

Human emotion is so bizarre.

[edit] Sorry for going off topic.

[Sarah]

the people I know said the same thing - or couldn't even see that it was wrong! very strange indeed.

What I find harder is that you can't stop the abuse even now - I would like to think that the laws are there to help but in cases like this they are no good what so ever!

[Sla]

Originally posted by URAlly
There are three things that make relationships thrive.
1). Selflessness
2). Trust
3). Communication

If you don't have the ability to give 100% to your partner, you are selfish. If go into a relationship with distrust based on past experiences, then you can't trust or be trusted. If you can't communicate with your partner, then you might as well throw your hands up and say forget it, which is what is one of the major causes of divorce today.

I think that's about the best love advice anyone could ever give.

[KC]

<laughing>

Well there are laws in Texas but they don't work only because the legal system is not educated enough about abuse to deal with it. He was thrown in jail on several occasions and I fought him in court and all times he was released on bail or I lossed the battle based on the ignorance of the justice system. I could file harrassment charges but based on a conversation with a lawyer and a private investigator, it involved more money than I had and alot of time to prove he was actually harrassing me. Its going to take women in numbers in abusive relationships, or someone getting killed where the media has a field day before the justice system will wake up. That always seems to be the case in situations like this.

[Sla]

It's sad how it takes such a tragedy in order to prevent the same tragedy.

[Hellbent]

Originally posted by URAlly
<laughing>

Well there are laws in Texas but they don't work only because the legal system is not educated enough about abuse to deal with it. He was thrown in jail on several occasions and I fought him in court and all times he was released on bail or I lossed the battle based on the ignorance of the justice system. I could file harrassment charges but based on a conversation with a lawyer and a private investigator, it involved more money than I had and alot of time to prove he was actually harrassing me. Its going to take women in numbers in abusive relationships, or someone getting killed where the media has a field day before the justice system will wake up. That always seems to be the case in situations like this.

I have generally found that men who put their hands on women in violence do so because they are too cowardly to lay hands on a man. I very nearly killed a good friend of mine when he hit his girlfriend in front of me (she had it coming but he should of walked away). We have not spoken since and I would hope he has enough sense to cross the street if he ever sees's me again. I have a real problem with men who beat women, a real problem. You never hit anybody unless they hit you first and if it is a woman who hits you, you don’t hit her like a man (but you are 100%justified in hitting her back, she put herself in a mans shoes by laying hands on a man). My personal philosophy is that if it ever comes to the point where I feel the need to put hands on a woman in violence it is far beyond time to cut her loose.

[KC]

Originally posted by Hellbent


I have generally found that men who put their hands on women in violence do so because they are too cowardly to lay hands on a man. I very nearly killed a good friend of mine when he hit his girlfriend in front of me (she had it coming but he should of walked away). We have not spoken since and I would hope he has enough sense to cross the street if he ever sees's me again. I have a real problem with men who beat women, a real problem. You never hit anybody unless they hit you first and if it is a woman who hits you, you don’t hit her like a man (but you are 100%justified in hitting her back, she put herself in a mans shoes by laying hands on a man). My personal philosophy is that if it ever comes to the point where I feel the need to put hands on a woman in violence it is far beyond time to cut her loose.

Well I never laid a hand on the man. He was too busy beating me senseless for me to get a punch. And where I wanted to punch he always made sure he was protected.

And you are right about the cowardly part. This has been proven. In fact, the majority have been victims of some type abuse themselves.

[Archbob]

All this talk about relationships is making me dizzy. They're just too complicated, so its best to stay out. Girls as friends are fine, but thats about as far as it should go before your actually ready to commit to someone. Blind dating to me is reckless and dating someone you've just met is almost as bad. But thats just my opinion. I need to go fish for salmon now.

[Hellbent]

Originally posted by URAlly
If you don't have the ability to give 100% to your partner, you are selfish. If go into a relationship with distrust based on past experiences, then you can't trust or be trusted. If you can't communicate with your partner, then you might as well throw your hands up and say forget it, which is what is one of the major causes of divorce today.

You don't really have to give 100% all you really need to do is make them think your giving 100% . Giving 100% to a woman is an invitation to a heart thrashing.

[Cam]

Originally posted by Hellbent

Giving 100% to a woman is an invitation to a heart thrashing.

Lol, on occasion, that's most certainly true

[S7even]

Ok, i didn't read all 7 pages so maybe somebody said this before.

For me the secret is to keep a balance. On one hand you show your affection, love and devotion and on the other hand you show them who is the man around here and that they have to "fight" to keep you.
Sure, no woman will admit the second part of what i said, but the fact is that women like strong men, and not puppets that will just execute all their wishes. They should always consider you a challenge, otherwise they might start looking for new challenges. (This holds true for young girls, old ones might be different. I don't know )

[KC]

Originally posted by Hellbent


You don't really have to give 100% all you really need to do is make them think your giving 100% . Giving 100% to a woman is an invitation to a heart thrashing.

It all depends on your definition of what 100% is.

[Hellbent]

Originally posted by URAlly


It all depends on your definition of what 100% is.

Like I said earlier. Act like your giving 100% (open car doors, buy flowers, tell them how pretty they are, etc.) but never tell them anything important that you do not want used against you later. Never let them affect decisions about your future and above all, NEVER let them move in with you. Refuse to watch chick flicks, refuse to go to candle parties, refuse to meet the parents, this will keep the relationship platonic. Remember for the most part women want to get “married” *HB Cringes* and settle down. They will attempt to trap you, stay strong my brothers and fight the good fight.

<edit> I almost forgot, never ever admit to being wrong. This undermines your authority and credibility. If confronted with a situation where you are clearly in the wrong you MUST reverse the blame, If it does not end up being her fault then she has sunk your battleship.