please check my text

**ernest1a** · Aug 13, 2008 06:31

Hi everybody! I would like to ask you for a favour. I am not a native English speaker and would like to check if there is any grammar mistake in text which is a script for speaker for video tutorial. Please check and comment it. Thank you!

text:
"Hi, I'm Nick. Welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go on a tour!

[name of portal] is about different places, people from those places and their customs. You can discover or explore famous cities like Paris, Rome and Rio de Janeiro, or idyllic locations which you have never heard of before.

Most important, you can find somebody from the place you want to visit. A person who lives there must know a lot about that location. And not just that! You can also find a free hosting or a person who will guide you or making you company.

[name of website] gives you all the information you need for a location. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from there.

Even if you don't plan to travel yourself, you can use [name of website] to show the world where you live and to share photos, videos, updates and other information.

All members have a Profile and a Location card. Everybody from the same place can edit that Location, adding new sections with text, photos or videos. It can be very funny to build a page of your living place together with many other members near you.

Behind that it is a fully secured network system.The system calculates members' credibility scores, so only credible members can contact other credible members.

So it is useful, fun and also highly secured.
Ready to start? [name of portal]!"

**Shyflower** · Aug 13, 2008 07:31

I've heard of this before and it's a great idea for travelers. It looks like you've taken it a step further in letting people build a page around their home town.

For the most part, your text is grammatically correct. However, it's quite wordy. I'd try to pare it down a bit. This is how I would write it (use what you want or none at all, it's just a suggestion

:

Start Here and Tour the World (No luggage necessary!)

[name of portal] is your ticket to tour the world right from your desktop or laptop. Learn about different places, their customs and their people. Discover little-known idyllic locations or explore famous cities like Paris, Rome, and Rio de Janeiro.

Most important, find a friend in your ideal vacation spot; one who lives there and can show you all the best sites. Even better, find a free host or guide that will meet, greet, and guide you when you take that dream vacation. Browse [name of website] to find all the information you need or post a tour request if your locale isn't yet listed.

Are you a better guide than a traveler?
Use [name of website] to show off your home town. Every location at [name of website] can have a wiki and every member at [name of website] receives a profile and location card. Use yours to start a wiki for your home town or add your own tour information to your area wiki.

Add new sections of photos or videos.
Report on current events or add other useful information.
Have fun building a page with your friends and family.
Meet new friends just down the street or across town.

[Name of website] is backed by a fully secure network system that calculates members' credibility scores so only reputable members can contact you and your information is shared only as you allow in your profile.

Ready to start? Join us at [name of portal] now!