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  1. #1
    Non-Member Bookworm SEO's Avatar
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    Red face [COPY-WRITING] Opinions wanted on copy for affiliate program, site layout

    Hi fellow SPers,

    I was hoping some of you might give me a hand with my site's copy for this SEO seminar I'm an affiliate for. I'd like to know if you think it's convincing, and if you would buy the seminar after reading the copy. Regardless of how you would react (buy/not), how can it improve?

    The copy is at: Who Else Wants SEO Seminar's Original Tips?

    Thanks ahead of time for your replies. Anyone with some constructive criticism can ask for me to give them a few SEO tips on their site design/copy (I'm asking about my sales copy here; SEO copy I know how to do) and send me to their post here on SP, or direct to the site. Just PM me.
    (I've already done the three reviews required though.)

  2. #2
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    Hi, nice to see that you are into copy writing. To be honest, I was fairl lost right from the start. I could not understand what was being said, however I have no idead what the seminar was about. This could be a proble. It seems to jump right into the story, with no introductions. So I hence forth would not buy the product. But I guess you would have to first be intrested in it to strat with. Another thing is I dont like how the dollar signs are behind the numbers. It is always better to stick with convention, as you dont want to isolate people.

  3. #3
    Non-Member Bookworm SEO's Avatar
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    Hi Thomas,

    Thanks for the tip! The dollar signs are behind, because I grew up speaking French, and that's the French convention. Thanks for pointing that out.
    I also appreciate you pointing out how it needs to be clearer about what's being discussed.

    Any SEO tips I can help you with?

  4. #4
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    Hi Bookworm:

    I think it's OK, but you need to think a little about the structure. Most marketing material starts by making the reader an offer, or asking a question, or pushing a benefit in the very first sentence. This could be achieved by having just a couple of sentences of splash copy above the existing text explaining what it is your site does. Even some really famous brands do that: Gmail has "a Google approach to email". I realise you have it in the title bar, but people very rarely notice that - they eye scans below the toolbars and across the top of the page. Obviously your "local search engine optimization and SEO" needs to stay in the title for SEO purposes, but something like that also needs to be prominent on the page.

    As for the actual bodycopy, it's OK, though there are some bits that are a little awkward: "I discovered Danny through his articles on SEOChat, which tells you his credentials are impeccable." That sounds a little wide-eyed and juvenile, kind of like a self-satisfied 14-year-old showing off about how smart his new friend is. An alternative might be something like, "I discovered Danny through his articles on SEOChat - the most widely-respected online SEO resource". That does a more effective job of showing off Danny's skills and sounds a little more grown-up.

    I don't mean to be rude, but the way - I'm not suggesting that you yourself are immature!
    Check out my copywriting blog at www.billhilton.biz!

  5. #5
    Non-Member Bookworm SEO's Avatar
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    Bill - your comments are well taken and not at all rude. I very much appreciate them. You make a good point about the credentials. It's just that I expected people to click through to his bio and see the credentials.

    Updated. Now how does it look?

  6. #6
    SitePoint Member
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    I think that's looking better. If it were me I'd change "speaks strongly" to "says a lot about". Also, "who else wants a screen star figure" needs a question mark - even if the original didn't have one, you don't want to replicate his mistake!

    The only other point I'd make is that the site looks kind of crammed. It seems to me that the way people read webpages is to grasp the overall structure and what's going on before they read the copy; surfers like to be comfortable with what's going on, and have the sense they can control the information architecture in their own heads. I think slightly wider margins would make that a lot easier. If you look at standard blogspot templates (or Wordpress, or just about any other high end site) they leave clear space between component boxes, no matter how much stuff is on the page. I'd say better to space things out a little more and maybe make the margins narrower...

    .... or even (heresy!) make the page longer.

    Hope that's useful!
    Check out my copywriting blog at www.billhilton.biz!

  7. #7
    SitePoint Guru pinch's Avatar
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    I'd try to make it sound less like a marketing ploy and more personal. You may also want to sprinkle in the <acronym> tag since there are lots of long titles.

    A website's title and its pages' titles (which are equivalent to/are its article/post's titles) are very important to SEO, which is what makes Title Magic a great little letter.
    Do you mean a website's URL?

    article/post titles
    Why not just use the word 'and' instead of the slashes?

    buying Dan's SEO seminar is an [excellent] investment in your company/website.
    I'd stick with either Dan or Danny & not switch between the two.

  8. #8
    Non-Member Bookworm SEO's Avatar
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    Hi Pinch

    Thanks for the info.

    1) No, I definitely mean titles, as in what goes in between the title tags.
    2) Because they're one and the same.
    3) Good point. I just thought it was repetitive, but I see that it's preferable to keep it with one name.

    Anyone else?

  9. #9
    Visit docquesting.com docquesting's Avatar
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    You need to start from a noobs perspective. That is a person who just got online for the first time and is hoping to learn how to make a few extra. You need to explain what the terms such as seo stand for and other details.

    On a side note I think that I would like the site better if the bar from top to bottom were moved all the way to the left instead of where it is now. It would help keep everything more in perspective so far as total layout.

  10. #10
    Non-Member Bookworm SEO's Avatar
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    Hi Doc,

    Thanks for the suggestions ! I'm not sure I understand what bar you're reffering to though.
    As to aiming it towards newbs, my intention is to buy PPC traffic looking for SEO instructional materials, so I expect they'll know what it means. It's also explaine din the sidebar, anyways...

    Again, the feedback is appreciated gents.


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