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  1. #1
    SitePoint Guru dragonhawk's Avatar
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    Lost savings... so how to tell wife?

    Well, I lost a chunk of my savings because of a bad investment. I should have done more research first into that investment, but too late now.

    Anyway, I had secretly withdrawn from the savings account which was reserved for our mortgage to fund that "bad" investment without telling my soon-to-be wife (i'll just refer to her as my wife for the moment).

    What's worse is that I had promised her that I would tell her about any investments that I'm going to make. This time I didn't tell her because I thought it was a great deal and that if I don't take it now, someone else would grab that opportunity.

    Well, now that things have gone bad, what should I do? How should I break it to her without ending up in hospital?

  2. #2
    SitePoint Member thedesignworld's Avatar
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    I just read your post to my soon to be wife and she shrugged her forehead. :s

    That meens Ryan Trafford cant do no secret deals damnit!
    Music Videos - A to Z Music Videos

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    _ silver trophy ses5909's Avatar
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    Got to just spit it out. If you hide it or cover it up you will just be swimming in a pond of lies. NOT the best way to start a marriage. You will probably get in trouble; but you knew that going into it. Best thing to do is.. Grab your.. courage.. and just say it. It will suck for a little bit, but things will work themselves out with time probably.
    Sara

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    SitePoint Wizard gold trophysilver trophybronze trophy dc dalton's Avatar
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    Open your mouth, tell her ...... let her beat the H*LL out of you and move one ..... dont make it worse by lying again!

    But I will say I wouldnt want to be in your shoes for ALL the tea in China! Silly Boy!

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    And don't do it again!

  6. #6
    SitePoint Guru Marubozo's Avatar
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    Just tell it like it is, and admit you were wrong. Godspeed.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marubozo
    Godspeed.
    LOL ... you should say Godstop, not godspeed. If only there was a god, then maybe they could stop him from acting on his idiocy.

    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    Well, now that things have gone bad, what should I do? How should I break it to her without ending up in hospital?
    Hopefully she has some sense and decides not to end up with you after all.

    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    What's worse is that I had promised her that I would tell her about any investments that I'm going to make. This time I didn't tell her because I thought it was a great deal and that if I don't take it now, someone else would grab that opportunity.
    You didn't tell her because it was a great deal? That makes no sense.
    You're part of a partnership now, you need to work as a collaborated effort. By not collaborating with her, you have an effect on her life too and not allowing her to have a say in her own life.
    At any rate, you should have someone sensible to bounce ideas off - especially if you are a moron (and you are),


    Godstop (you from acting on your idiotic ideas before discussing them with your partner - and try and understand what partnership means).

  8. #8
    SitePoint Addict battra's Avatar
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    It's better to end up in hospital now than to lose her trust if she ever find out. Admit that you made a very serious mistake, that you learned something from it, and you won't do it again. She may not take it well but it's the consequences of what you did. Good luck, man!

  9. #9
    SitePoint Guru dragonhawk's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advice guys... guess I'll just have to spit it out and hope for the best. I've never been married before - guess I'm just too used to thinking for one person... I will never ever do something like this again... not anymore anyway, not without consulting her first. So sad...

  10. #10
    Matt Williams revsorg's Avatar
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    You need to think about why you concealed it from her in the first place. Everyone has a right to manage their own finances, to take risks with them, to win and lose. But you don't have the right to win or lose using someone else's money, especially if you love them.

    Do you think you would have behaved differently if the opportunity to invest had presented itself after you got married? Was it like having a last romantic fling with another woman before you tie the knot?
    work: revs | ecru
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  11. #11
    SitePoint Guru dragonhawk's Avatar
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    Well, the thing was that I was scared of losing the opportunity if I took the time to discuss it with her. I just have to learn to be more patient now.

  12. #12
    ☆★☆★ silver trophy vgarcia's Avatar
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    You deserve all that's about to be brought on you for doing this.

    I speak from experience

    PS: Find any way to get that mortgage paid. That's the last bill you want to screw up.

  13. #13
    SitePoint Guru dragonhawk's Avatar
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    Lol, I guess you've done something like this before then? So what did she end up doing to you?

  14. #14
    ☆★☆★ silver trophy vgarcia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    Lol, I guess you've done something like this before then? So what did she end up doing to you?
    Not on this scale, but I've had a good scare or two in my day. You'll probably get yelled at a little so expect that, but don't dwell on fighting and try to solve the problem first.

  15. #15
    SitePoint Wizard mPeror's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    I've never been married before - guess I'm just too used to thinking for one person... I will never ever do something like this again... not anymore anyway, not without consulting her first. So sad...
    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    Well, the thing was that I was scared of losing the opportunity if I took the time to discuss it with her. I just have to learn to be more patient now.
    Say those things to her and she might forgive you.

    careful though , don't try to lie to justify your lie.

  16. #16
    Your Lord and Master, Foamy gold trophy Hierophant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonhawk
    Anyway, I had secretly withdrawn from the savings account which was reserved for our mortgage to fund that "bad" investment without telling my soon-to-be wife (i'll just refer to her as my wife for the moment).

    What's worse is that I had promised her that I would tell her about any investments that I'm going to make. This time I didn't tell her because I thought it was a great deal and that if I don't take it now, someone else would grab that opportunity.
    So you violated the most basic cornerstone of a long-term relationship?

    Right now the best thing to do is simply to tell her what you did. This is a trust breaker though and will probably affect your relationship with her for the rest of your life, if the relationship survives.
    Wayne Luke
    ------------


  17. #17
    is not my name biggdesign's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marubozo
    Just tell it like it is, and admit you were wrong. Godspeed.
    stay hungry, stay foolish.

  18. #18
    Matt Williams revsorg's Avatar
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    I'm wondering exactly what the investment was in, and how much it was for.
    work: revs | ecru
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    projects: Glastonbury Tor | London IT support

  19. #19
    Formerly known as RockNRollPig Shpigford's Avatar
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    The only thing you can do is suck it up and tell her. Like other's have said, it'll probably suck really bad for a while but you've already broken her trust...the only thing you can do now is build up from there. The sooner you start, the sooner you can get back to a fulfilling relationship.

  20. #20
    My true identity MaxS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dc dalton
    Open your mouth, tell her ...... let her beat the H*LL out of you and move one ..... dont make it worse by lying again!

    But I will say I wouldnt want to be in your shoes for ALL the tea in China! Silly Boy!
    I agree.

    Tell her. Close your eyes, it will be over soon.

  21. #21
    ~unplugged Ainslie X11's Avatar
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    She'll probably be keen to make sure you don't 'repeat' the mistake, perhaps enroll in some kinda rehab for 'whatever category you fit into' - then tell her :-)


    working hard is hard work

  22. #22
    SitePoint Wizard gold trophysilver trophybronze trophy dc dalton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaxS
    Tell her. Close your eyes, it will be over soon.
    Then again maybe NOT ...... nothing like blowing a woman's trust in you RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW! ...... that's a rough one and your bound to hear "you didnt tell me about that so what else arent you telling me" ...

    Trust is #1 in a relationship, Ive seen tons of them go right down the tubes once that is gone!

    He's got some MASSIVE explaining to do and a WHOLE LOT of appologizing ... then MAYBE, MAYBE she'll forgive him..

    AND I reiterate ........ wouldnt want to be in your shoes for all the tea in China!

  23. #23
    SitePoint Enthusiast allstarkid's Avatar
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    You have alot of sites. Hopefully you're making money off of them and you can put the money back before she realizes it was missing.

  24. #24
    SitePoint Evangelist
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    I wouldn't tell her. Try and make back the money you've lost and then make sure you never do it again....

  25. #25
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    IMO, if you're having to ask then you probably shouldn't be with her (or she shouldn't be with you, rather).

    BUuuuut, let's take a page out of my book. Tell her you made a booboo and ask her if she still loves you. Make her answer before you tell her your booboo.

    Then give her a backrub while your appologizing, appologize way too much (makes you seem more sincere), then go do the dern dishes you lazy bum :0)~


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