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  1. #1
    Non-Member bronze trophy geniusgoalie's Avatar
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    RRRRGGGHH ignorant client!

    A few weeks ago, a frequent visitor of my non-eggloafish site asked if I would rebuild him a php script, that his previous coder obviously didn't care about. He complained of errors and hackers. I took one look at it, and realized that it was one of the worst coding jobs that I had ever seen. The scariest part was that he was using this script, which had NO SQL INJECTION PROTECTION WHATSOEVER, on a fairly large site. So I spent about three weeks on this project, making sure that it was bug free and secure to the best of my ability. I sent him the final product two days ago, and I got this response in my inbox:
    "Danny,
    I don't know if you left a part out, but the file you sent me was only about 450 lines. The old file was over 600! Why is it missing so many lines? I want it fixed!"

    I explained to him that the old 'coder' had about 100 lines that could have been saved by using an 8 line function , and another 150 or so that were blank, comments that went along with the "unfunctioned" code, and for whatever reason, code that to the best of my knowledge served no purpose (I think they copied 4 or 5 smaller scripts and just tied them together). The other 100 or so was, in fact, new. Then to my shock I recieved this reply:

    "listen, don't try to BS me with your fancy computer talk. i know a lot more than u think I do, and i can tell your lying. Admit your mistake and put the missing [expletive] back in, or I'm getting a different geek"
    I don't know how to explain that first off, what I did was an extraordinary deal for the $130 that we settled on, and that he is an absolutely ignorant idiot!
    How should I reply?

  2. #2
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy someonewhois's Avatar
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    Add 150 lines of blankspace and send it off.

  3. #3
    SitePoint Wizard davidjmedlock's Avatar
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    Put 150 lines of code in that don't do anything, get your $130 and let the fool "get a different geek"... What an @r$e-wad...

  4. #4
    ☆★☆★ silver trophy vgarcia's Avatar
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    Let him get a different geek. Someone like that isn't worth the time it would take to explain the proper way of doing things.

  5. #5
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy someonewhois's Avatar
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    Wow 3 posts at almost the same time. I beat you to it though

  6. #6
    SitePoint Wizard gold trophysilver trophybronze trophy dc dalton's Avatar
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    Yeah and this is different to the other 90 some odd percent of clients how?

    Lets face it 99% of these people shouldnt be allowed to LOOK at a computer let alone turn one on!

    Ive got hundreds of stories just as bad and could go on forever about "stupid is as stupid does" but I FINALY found ONE client who has money, knows what he wants & UNDERSTANDS LOGIC. Working on his project right now..... a "needle in the haystack" to say the least!

    You know what Id do?

    Put in 200 lines of comments! (copy and past the headlines from cnn or something!)

  7. #7
    Huh? What now? tntcheats's Avatar
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    Put 200 lines of swear words.

  8. #8
    Non-Member bronze trophy geniusgoalie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by someonewhois
    Add 150 lines of blankspace and send it off.

    Even better:

    PHP Code:
    /*
    145 lines from another section of the code

    */
    if ($_SESSION['user'] != "admin")
    {
        echo 
    "The admin of this site is a retarded moron";
        print (
    $dbpass);


  9. #9
    SitePoint Wizard mark_W's Avatar
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    Put in an extra 500 lines and charge him more! haha!

  10. #10
    Non-Member coo_t2's Avatar
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    If I take my car to get it fixed and they give me back 75% of my car, I'd be disappointed.

    --ed

  11. #11
    SitePoint Wizard gold trophysilver trophybronze trophy dc dalton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geniusgoalie

    Even better:

    PHP Code:
    /*
    145 lines from another section of the code

    */
    if ($_SESSION['user'] != "admin")
    {
        echo 
    "The admin of this site is a retarded moron";
        print (
    $dbpass);


    OH MY GOD ....... NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN COFFEE OFF MY KEYBOARD AND MONITOR THAT I JUST SPIT.......

  12. #12
    Huh? What now? tntcheats's Avatar
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    If I take my car to get it fixed and they give me back 75% of my car, I'd be disappointed.

    --ed
    If that 25% of it's just heavy garbage that slows down your car that's only there cause someone else threw it in, then I think you'd be more than happy for them to take it out.

  13. #13
    SitePoint Evangelist
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    i am absolutely SPEECHLESS!

  14. #14
    SitePoint Wizard davidjmedlock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tntcheats
    If that 25% of it's just heavy garbage that slows down your car that's only there cause someone else threw it in, then I think you'd be more than happy for them to take it out.
    You mean, like, if that 25% included the three dead bodies in the trunk...

  15. #15
    Non-Member coo_t2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tntcheats
    If that 25% of it's just heavy garbage that slows down your car that's only there cause someone else threw it in, then I think you'd be more than happy for them to take it out.
    Yeah, but maybe his client is Oscar the Grouch.

    --ed

  16. #16
    Non-Member john.stone's Avatar
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    I paid to have 25% of my car removed...

  17. #17
    SitePoint Enthusiast 2slick's Avatar
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    all they say, the customer is always right. Just pad it with 150 lines of unuseful garbage code. Get your money and dont work for him again.

  18. #18
    SitePoint Wizard samsm's Avatar
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    Remove the line breaks and make it ONE REALLY LONG LINE.

    It will blow his mind.

    Seriously, second Vinnie, this person isn't worth your time.
    Using your unpaid time to add free content to SitePoint Pty Ltd's portfolio?

  19. #19
    Web Design Addict
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    Pump some chloraform into his tires...after about 1000 miles the tire blows, and he wrecks!

    Ohh, did I say that outloud?


    (just kidding by the way)
    Deron Sizemore
    ----------
    My Sites: LogoGala | Golf Ledger (coming soon)
    Twitter: Deron Sizemore

  20. #20
    SitePoint Guru dojo's Avatar
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    Just put comments and stuff. If he's such an idiot, you can't help it. you deserve the money for the job, so just please him and get away with the $$. I've had my share of stupid customers and after I try to explain what's good, I just give them what they want

  21. #21
    SitePoint Member FunkingFunky's Avatar
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    the state my car is in. id pay to have it entirely removed.


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