It's only a factor if you let it bother you.
I'm indian and I've had white girlfriends before and I've come to realise most of the dis-comfort is in your head.
Yes people stare... and you know what ??... they're simpletons and they always will. They have nothing better to do with their lives than roam around and peep at what other people are doing.
The bottom line is to remember that your focus in on the one you love and not be pre-occupied with what those idiots around you think. If you lose sight of this, I'm sorry but your relationship will not last very long, nor will it be as enjoyable as it should.
The reason I'm telling you this is because your reaction to HAWK's comment sort of gives away the fact that it bothers you... even if not overtly.
Your chick is very hot by the way... well done, dude.
In general, I feel physically attracted to white girls more than any other race, by far. It's just the way it is, I can't control it. But, contrary to the opinion of certain people I have shared this tidbit of information with, it doesn't mean I have anything against other races. It's just another variable in the field of things that make one person attracted to another. It doesn't mean I'll behave any differently around people of other races.
No Raffles, feeling attracted to someone of the opposite sex of a particular race is not racism, its the contrary.
Racism is, when you put someone down, or make others of a different race feel that his race is inferior than yours, intentionally or unintentionally (the french way), or verbally / physically abuse someone if he is looking different (may be the british, american or russian way).
Of course we can get attracted by girls of a particular race, that's more about attraction and compatibility and less about hatred. I think ...
Actually, it was more that I didn't get the joke because the image was never broken for me...and I looked to explain/understand our miscommunication, in the absence of all the info.
I only am reminded of the fact that we aren't both Caucasian by other people - often it is the 1st generation immigrant Chinese (in Chinatown) that give me a hard time (if looks could kill). Most of the time, I grin broadly and enjoy my spoiler role - but sometimes it can be a burden.
As for attraction, I have had dready, golden, sun kissed hippie chick girlfriends and preppie ones going for advanced degrees - so I don't have a type (ethnic or otherwise) beyond needing to have that spark - it is all about someone who sets both brains on fire (the downstairs and upstairs brains ), but for me the intellectual spark - really having substantive things in common (and also plenty different, for spice) is what mostly attracts me. My girl and I have been living together (with only a handful of nights apart) for over 3 years and neither wants it to end any time soon. We have overcome enormous challenges together (personal illness, family deaths etc.) and are closer today then ever. The world will continue to challenge us and sometimes we may be bruised from battle, but it will have been well worth it for the joy she brings to my life. For the sake of clarity - I do want to mention she is 100% born and raised in NYC - totally American (of pure Chinese descent) - it is her folks that came over - for example her mom and I communicate like cave people (it is fun - we actually can communicate a lot) in the absence of her knowing English and me knowing just a handful of Cantonese words. So my girl likes my/similar music, food etc., but as a bonus, I get to learn a lot more about authentic Chinese culture and not some watered down, Americanized version.
As for being overly defensive - the financial and sometimes personal demands of the rat race in NYC can sometimes be pretty daunting and overwhelming.
Can you tell I need a break ? Good thing I got a little 3 day at a B&B coming up - looks like it will be just in time.
I know. Not always.Originally Posted by kigoobe
In some country's stuff like that can get you killed.
In some situations, family impressions can come into play. I've had to deal with that before too.
But I seriously think in most cases it's mental.
Yeah it's always the old people isn't it ??... hahahaOriginally Posted by brandaggio
One of my best friends, who is quite dark skinned, sort of like Shaun's skin colour, went to another country last year and he said he's never experienced such racism in his life. It wasn't just one or two people in the street giving him nasty looks, it was most of them. He said it was a "What the hell are you doing here?" sort of look.
Yeah, Brandaggio, I agree about the two brains thing. But I often get annoyed with people who say blanket things like "You're so superficial, looks don't matter at all, it's all about the inner beauty" (not that you're saying that of course). Yes, of course I agree that personality, sense of humour, ethics and so on are crucial attributes to take into account, but I do think looks matter as well. You don't want to wake up in the morning and look at the person in bed next to you and think "She is so incredible, such an amazing person, but really not very pretty". I'm not saying one should demand utter perfection, but that one shouldn't be so dismissive about physical features - I do think they are important.
Last edited by HAWK; Jun 30, 2007 at 14:28.
Similarly, women I have really hit it off (I mean really, really hit it off with ) with right of the bat - those are the shorter relationships I have had - when I have been ever so slightly less absorbed with just the pure physical aspect, and more in tune with intellectual attraction (the sort that lasts) I have had more longevity and better communication in my relationships.
Basically, if I jump in with my eyes (aka lower brain) and just my eyes, I know that my chances of having a long term, truly healthy relationship are essentially nil.
Doesn't mean you can't have some serious fun along the way, but I think it is important to be realistic about what can come of these situations - some good stories, maybe a trip to the doctor - but a quick bar pick up being a life partner? Pretty unlikely, if not impossible.
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