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  1. #1
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    Here's an e-mail that's been doing the rounds in the UK - I hope that no-one takes too much offence! If so, apologies in advance.


    NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

    To the citizens of the United States of America,

    In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

    2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

    3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

    4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

    5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

    6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

    7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

    8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are **** and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

    9. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

    Thank you for your cooperation.

    [Edited by jamesglewisf on 11-18-2000 at 09:47 PM]
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  2. #2
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy Karl's Avatar
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    Ha Ha, the funiest thing I've read in ages.
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  3. #3
    SitePoint Zealot
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  4. #4
    Destiny Manager Plebius's Avatar
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    England is now more likely part of the American Empire.

  5. #5
    SitePoint Wizard westmich's Avatar
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    Well, at least we have a constitution to deceide the legality of the final decision and the right to arm and defend ourselves if all else fails.
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  6. #6
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    Yes, that second amendment has really helped your country. I know for sure that any government would not commit its billions of dollars worth of men / training / equipment etc. to taking on any group of citizens with arms, as they would no doubt lose. Also, the hundreds (thousands?) of deaths that are caused by gunshot wounds each year is a small sacrifice to pay to ensure that everyone can have a gun.

    It still amazes me when Americans come up with this argument! We're not in the 19th century anymore!

    As for a constitution, Britain actually does have a constitution, some parts of which are written; it does not, however, have codified constitution. To be honest, we haven't really suffered that much from not having one.

    I'm not going to get into a debate about US vs. UK; I fully acknowledge their presence as a superpower. As I have said in another thread, "If America sneezes the rest of the world catches a cold". However, the reactions from your side of the Atlantic have proved one thing:

    You've got no sense of humour!
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  7. #7
    SitePoint Wizard westmich's Avatar
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    Actually, I was being sarcastic I did find your story amusing.

    Although, I do support the right to keep and bear arms, I would rather not debate it in this forum either.

    I had a chance to spend a couple of weeks in England this summer and I really enjoyed it. My understanding is that British Common Law (which most free nations have roots in) is based on the Magna Charta. Unfortunately, it doesn't carry the same weight as a constitution, i.e. laws can not be passed that are in disagreement with it (theoretically).
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  8. #8
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    Sorry buddy, a little hard to get the sarcasm through the text!

    Yes, the Magna Carta is the basis of law in our nation from 1215. Since then of course we've had the Bill of Rights, which gave rights to the Parliament over the monarch, the Civil War, of course, right up to the current acceptance of EU laws and treaties at the moment.

    The story of the Magna Carta is very interesting - I had the chance to see one of the original copies over the summer (my girlfried lives in Lincoln, one of the oldest cities in GB). It was actually a race to get word out that the king had given assent to these rules, so that when the pope got wind of it (he opposed it) it would have been too popular to take it back. I forget the actual details, but this discussion makes me want to look them up again.

    Whereabouts in the UK did you go? I've been over to the US 5 times with my parents when I was younger. Seen most of Florida (Disneyworld! Alright, not real America but great fun) - Orlanda, Tampa, Miami (the beach was beautiful - as were the women ), Key West, and I've also been up to Boston. I was too young at the time to recognise the significance of the Boston Tea Party - otherwise I wouldn't have thrown the tea overboard...
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  9. #9
    @russellg RussellG's Avatar
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    That was a very funny post

    I also dont understand why Americans wear so much padding.

    On the topic of football, A couple of American football players came and watched some aussie rules football (also known as aerial ping pong).

    They said that the sport was far to rough and they'd never play it
    russell.cz.cc - coming soon (I promise!)

  10. #10
    SitePoint Addict
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    I've been off line for a couple of days and got a similar e-mail to that one, came here to post it but you'd beaten me to it. I'll stick it in anyway as there are a few differences that might make you giggle:

    London, 10th November 2000

    To the citizens of the United States of America,

    It has come to our attention that you are having certain difficulties in electing a new President. As a result of your failure to elect a President to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence as set forth in Article III of the surrender at Yorktown in
    1781. As you may recall, Great Britain granted the Colonies full independence as long as you were able to govern yourselves. If at any time you fail to provide a democratically elected president, Great Britain shall
    reserve the right to annex the United States. And so, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories effective 2 fortnights prior to Boxing
    Day.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with
    the following acts:

    1. Look up "revoke" in an English dictionary
    2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God save the Queen"
    3. Start referring to "soccer" as football
    4. Drive all vehicles, including lorries, on the proper side of the road
    5. Eliminate all television stations, except for 4
    6. Remove all artificial flavouring from all foods
    7. Cease the chilling or refrigeration of ale
    8. Speak as if you are a member of the cast in Monty Python's Flying Circus.
    9. Declare war on Quebec
    10. Learn how to make a decent cup of tea

    Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be in contact with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all taxation revenues due (backdated with interest to 1776 of course).

    Thank you for your cooperation and...
    cheerio!



    S. Mouchly Smedley, O.B.E., K.B.E., D.Sc.(Hon)
    Overseas Territorial Commissioner of Entanglements
    I like points 5, 8 and 10 best.... and the Cheerio!

    Aussie rules football is just great. I guess it developed from the old english football like rugby did and just went a slightly different way. Great to watch.

    Peter
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  11. #11
    Fluffy Kitten Programmer~ Elledan's Avatar
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    Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be in contact with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all taxation revenues due (backdated with interest to 1776 of course).
    ROFL
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  12. #12
    SitePoint Wizard silver trophy Karl's Avatar
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    I live not far from Lincoln (UK) about 20 miles - Very nice city.
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  13. #13
    Destiny Manager Plebius's Avatar
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    I'm going to declare myself Chancellor of the World someday.

  14. #14
    SitePoint Wizard westmich's Avatar
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    There are a few funny articles along the same lines at the http://www.theonion.com. This one in particular http://www.theonion.com/onion3641/se...ys_forces.html

    Originally posted by OllieO
    The story of the Magna Carta is very interesting - I had the chance to see one of the original copies over the summer (my girlfried lives in Lincoln, one of the oldest cities in GB). It was actually a race to get word out that the king had given assent to these rules, so that when the pope got wind of it (he opposed it) it would have been too popular to take it back. I forget the actual details, but this discussion makes me want to look them up again.

    Whereabouts in the UK did you go? I've been over to the US 5 times with my parents when I was younger. Seen most of Florida (Disneyworld! Alright, not real America but great fun) - Orlanda, Tampa, Miami (the beach was beautiful - as were the women ), Key West, and I've also been up to Boston. I was too young at the time to recognise the significance of the Boston Tea Party - otherwise I wouldn't have thrown the tea overboard...
    Well, it was a bit of a 'whirl wind' tour. In ten days, we traveled through Salsbury (seen one of the four original Magna Chartas), Stonehenge, Bath, London (only got to spend a couple of days in London), Lincoln (seen the other one of four originals), Poppleton, York, Jedburough, and Edinborough. (sorry if I misspelled names )

    The summer before the trip we had a pastorial exchange. Our pastor and his wife loved it so much that they deceided they wanted to bring a group back the following summer. Most of the group consisted of the choir which sang in Lincoln with about a thousand other Methodists from all over Europe and America in the Lincoln Cathedral. What an awesome experiance! Also, we spent a couple of days in Poppleton just outside of York with host families from the church that our pastor had served. In contrast, this was quite intresting seeing how people really lived verses going from one hotel to another. I hope to get back their again some day and see Ireland and Nothern Scotland.

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  15. #15
    SitePoint Zealot
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    Look at that TheOnion.com link - it's exactly the same as the one I posted earlier! What a coincidence :!

    You've seen most of the old parts of the UK then, Westmich. Lincoln cathedral really is beautiful, as is Edinburgh castle. Northern Ireland has beautiful scenery, and the situation there is very interesting - it's difficult to comprehend unless you go over there yourself. I've never been to the Republic though, or any further north than Edinburgh.
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  16. #16
    SitePoint Wizard westmich's Avatar
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    I feel a little embaresed

    That must have been were I originally got it from.
    Westmich
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  17. #17
    SitePoint Wizard creole's Avatar
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    Originally posted by RussellG
    On the topic of football, A couple of American football players came and watched some aussie rules football (also known as aerial ping pong).

    They said that the sport was far to rough and they'd never play it
    Russell, it's just because the American football players are scared of being in the scrum.

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