Here are a few "phrases" that I found that I think are pretty funny.
~~~WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER! ~~~
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
4. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
6. I pay your salary!
7. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
8. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
9. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
10. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Stupid Things In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(I gotta wonder...Was there a problem with this happening somewhere?)
I thought those were pretty funny. Hope you liked them too. :)