Seth Meyers: It’s been a rough week on Wall Street. Today alone, the Dow plunged 678 points, closing below 9,000. Here to talk more in-depth about the economic crisis is Weekend Update’s new financial expert, Oscar Rogers.
Oscar Rogers: Hello, Seth, Amy.
Seth Meyers: Hi, Oscar. Good to see you, thanks for coming. Now, we all know that our current economic situation has left every American fearful of what’s in store. Oscar, do you see any light at the end of the tunnel?
Oscar Rogers: Well, Seth, there was a light, but it’s broken! And somebody needs to crawl down to the end of that tunnel and FIX IT!
Seth Meyers: Okay, well, that doesn’t sound very promising.
Oscar Rogers: It’s not! These people need to FIX IT! I’ve been a financial consultant for 16 years, and I’ve never seen it this out of control! They need to clamp it down and FIX IT! When I wake up tomorrow morning, it better be FIXED!
Seth Meyers: But how do we go about fixing it, specifically?
Oscar Rogers: Take it one step at a time. Identify the problem. FIX IT! Identify another problem. FIX IT! Repeat as necessary until it is all FIXED!!
Seth Meyers: Uh -- you keep saying "fix it", but how?
Oscar Rogers: FIX IT!
Seth Meyers: Fix what?
Oscar Rogers: IT! It needs to be FIXED! NOW!!
Seth Meyers: Any, uh -- any final words? Although, I think I know what they’re gonna be.
Oscar Rogers: Oh, yeah? Well, what do you think I’m gonna say, Seth?
Seth Meyers: I don’t know , probably "fix"…
Oscar Rogers: FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT!
Seth Meyers: Oscar Rogers, everyone.