A new discovery revealed today brings the exciting prospect of a double-speed Internet even for those people using dial-up modems.
A European organisation named the Cable Realignment Action Programme is calling for all telecommunication companies and ISPs to adopt their plan at the earliest opportunity. A press release for the group stated:
Our solution is revolutionary, but simple, cheaper, and environmentally superior to existing network infrastructures. The worldwide roll-out starts today.
Internet data cables are normally laid according to topographical limitations and this can result in wiring spaghetti. The organisation proposes that cables are straightened between Internet nodes:
- Straighter cables means electrical signals travel a shorter distance in a quicker time.
- The majority of signals contain binary data. Although zeros rarely have problems, the sharper edges of the ‘1’s can get caught in cable kinks which results in unnecessary packet loss.
The organisation estimates that Internet speeds will double for most users, but it could be more for those with especially kinky cables. They advise everyone to take advantage of the system immediately and straighten the network or modem wires under their desk.
However, not everyone is pleased about the plan. A spokesman for a leading Ethernet cabling manufacturer claimed:
This is a totally ridiculous idea. Shorter cables simply means less money for us.
Have you straightened your cables? Have your download speeds significantly improved?
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Meh, the internet reboot was better.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Yeah, think you’re overdoing it now.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Happy April Fools Day…again. *sigh*
April 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Ha-ha, very funny. This prank is much weaker than your “rebooting the internet” article.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Ahahahahahahah! April’s fool! Aahahahaha!
Quite nice! I’ll try to RT it.
Aahhahahah!
Márcio Guerra
April 1st, 2009 at 12:06 pm
WOW!! My download speed is not only double but its 4 times faster than before now! I started to straighten the cable under my desk and went on doing it till I reached my nearest switch – very hard work to do! But its showing great performance, I am impressed. Thanks for this great tip on 1st April!
April 1st, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Oh come on, this was a pretty good one. Right now vendors of the major “High-end Audio” manufacturers are already lauding this as a good idea. And it won’t be 4/1 when it lands on Stereophile’s cover.
April 1st, 2009 at 12:13 pm
lol – Cable Realignment Action Programme, do they also go by their acronym – CRAP
April 1st, 2009 at 12:20 pm
That organization is C.R.A.P? Love it!
April 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
April Fools! :-)
April 1st, 2009 at 12:48 pm
April Fools!
April 1st, 2009 at 1:23 pm
If you have wireless, don’t forget to dust frequently. Dust in the air can catch those 1’s and 0’s as they zip around your room.
Probably a good idea to keep your windows shut as well, in case a breeze picks up your bits.
April 1st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
And we all know there are few thing more uncomfortable than breezy bits.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Funny, I actually have had better online experiences at times due to Windows not being open.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Nice try ;)
April 1st, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I’m still waiting for the poor sod to arrive, who believes in this garbage! ;)
There’s bound to be someone out there somewhere!
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:57 am
Ha ha. You made us read it- happy April, fools.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:08 am
@F. Daniels:
It’s sad to say F. Daniels, but the only reason you wrote that is because you believed it when you read it. Or, that wouldn’t have been in your mind. :D
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:19 am
Can we get back to the real articles now? Leave the comedy to comedians.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:38 am
Sad… I was hoping it was something real. :( I really wanted to double my parents’ internet so I didn’t feel so dragged down when I’m at their house.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:20 am